i'm suffocating, help me breathe again
by daisymeadowss
Summary: "There are times, every now and then, when she gets so lonely that she can't take it anymore and she has to do something before she drowns. Those are the times when she goes to him." Tate and Violet on their 50th anniversary. oneshot.


_i'm suffocating, help me breathe again_

This is my first time writing AHS and I'm so nervous because 1, this fandom has some fucking amazing writers and that makes me a little self-conscious and 2, Tate/Violet are my OTP and I'm scared of ruining them by writing them too OOC. Hope that's not the case.

This is just a short oneshot (and I mean really short because I find canon Violate hard to write) 50 years later, mainly in Violet's POV.

Hope you'll enjoy it :)

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own anything.

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><p>She gets lonely sometimes.<p>

Well, she's _always_ lonely even when she's not. She can sit with her parents and pretend everything is okay and she can celebrate the holidays with them, go on trips on every Halloween and she can play with her little brother. She can help Moira with cleaning when she gets really bored, and she can have a chat with Chad when she feels like having an actual conversation with someone, she can fuck Travis if she feels horny, and she can play with Beau or Lorraine's girls when she wants to escape reality for a while, she can do all those things but she'll still _always _be lonely.

That's just how it is.

She's starting to accept that.

But then there are times, every now and then, when she gets _so_ lonely that she can't take it anymore and she has to do something before she drowns.

Those are the times when she goes to _him_.

He's the only person who makes it go away.

She finds him in the basement or in the attic or outside, and she curls up next to him without a word while he puts an arm across her shoulder, holding her close to him. She buries her face in his shoulder, breathes in his natural scent that makes her want to cry because of long lost memories, and those are the times when she doesn't feel like suffocating.

They don't talk.

_Ever._

The first few times it happened he kept talking to her and asking her questions (_"I love you." "I'm sorry." "Will you ever forgive me?" "Do you think if I hadn't done it, we'd still be together?" "I'll wait forever."_) but she never answered, her mouth was always stubbornly closed so words couldn't escape, and after a while he stopped bothering. It was clear she wouldn't talk to him so he just accepted it, and made the best of what he got.

For 50 years, this is how things went.

She would get lonely and she would go to him until she finally felt better and then she would leave him and he wouldn't see her again for a few months.

It wasn't enough for him and it wasn't enough for her but he couldn't do anything about it and she was too stubborn, too angry, too wounded to take him back just yet.

He needed to be punished, he needed to know what it felt like.

It's only fair.

But she's hurting just as much as he is, and it's getting worse with every passing year - whoever said it gets better with time was an idiot, it only ever got worse for her - and she knows she deserves the pain just as much as he does. She's being punished too, just like he is, and sometimes she wonders who she's _truly_ trying to punish with their separation.

Him, for committing all those horrible crimes, or herself, for still loving him despite everything?

It's okay, though, she's always thrived on the pain.

And it's easier for her because she knows something he doesn't. She knows she won't be able to stay mad at him forever, she doesn't _want_ to. Eternity is such a long time, it's something she can't even comprehend herself, and it seems impossible to stay mad at someone for so long, especially at someone you love.

But he doesn't need to know that. Let him think she won't ever talk to him again.

And here they are now, exactly 50 years to the day they first met, when he barged in on such a private moment so roughly, and she's snuggled in his arms again, wondering how many more years it's gonna take before she'll go back to him, and that's when she feels ready to take the first small, _tiny_ step in the right direction.

"Happy anniversary," she whispers, her voice so quiet he wouldn't have heard it if he wasn't so focused on her. Her first words to him in 50 long years, only two words, but it's a start and they mean the world to him.

He doesn't need to ask what she's talking about, he knows, of course. "Happy anniversary, Violet."

She gives him a small, barely there smile and goes back to being silent and unresponsive. She's still not ready to talk to him.

She'll give it five more years. Maybe she'll be ready then.

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><p><strong>*bites lip nervously* You know I'm not one of those writers who practically beg for reviews, because honestly, that's kinda pathetic, but I'd really appreciate your thoughts now, just to ease my mind, I don't think I've ever been this nervous about a story before. <strong>

**I'm planning to write more of this two, although most of them will probably be AU (like I said, canon Violate is hard to write) my next project is going to be another oneshot, it's Tate, Violet and zombies, and it will be much longer than this, so if you liked this one, you can keep your eyes out for more from me :)**

**Thanks to everyone who read this.**

**Love,**

**Kathy  
><strong>


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